Critiques, Part 4

This Beginner’s review contains the following moveset:

NSMB Bowser Jr. By goldwyvern

Phull of phail phills this phox’s body with phreaky results.

Ah, New Super Mario Bros. A great game in and of itself… until beaten completely. Then there’s nothing much to do expect showing people your bragging rights. Any Let’s get… where’s the picture? I don’t work with out a picture. *sigh* Oh, well. Moving to the… what kind of stats are those? Calm Down, Kits; you handled worse situations before, so no need to get angry. *calms down*

Anyway, the stats look to complicated here, so might I suggest simplifying to a .5 scale? really the complicated numbers give a turnoff to most people. Thankfully, the stats seem in characters.

Let’s go to the attacks. Hmm, I see a syndrome with you, and I don’t know if it’s been discovered. I’ll call this the GWS for now.

Anyway, let’s describe GWS for those reading this. GWS, also known as goldwyvern syndrome, is the tendency to be exact in numbers, but not much in the way of detail in sentences. Here is a prime example

“size 4.9 (5/6’s of mario)”

“Dtilt: stomp.2-5%”

As you can see, I’ve got the stats with the most characters (25) and the attack with the least (15). This does not look good for our subject here. Heck, the most Detailed non-special move is about 9 words long, which doesn’t give much in store. Don’t get me wrong; The attacks look great, but detail can help.

A good acquaintance of mine once said, “what happens?” E.G. the Dtilt only says stomp as a description. Do you stomp with both feet? Isn’t Bowser Jr. too small to make a good stomp? Aren’t Dtilts supposed to work while crouching? You need a better description period. For example:

“Dtilt: Stomp: As Bowser Jr. ducks down for cover, he turns around by his belly. He then pushes himself up just enough to make him go in the air near the ground. He then lands feet first, giving anyone in the vicinity 2-5%. The move is average in lag at the beginning and end. Best used when edgeguarding.”

You see I did there, I gave about 10 minutes working this move the closest way to make it seem like a stomp WITH detail. It’s not too complicated, but not too simple either. Try doing that the next time think of a moveset.

The Specials are somewhat better, but leaves a bitter aftertaste. I once reviewed a Bowser Jr. moveset with the same idea of your standard B (but used as a Fsmash) so is not original, but it’s still good. The Forward B is… not that detailed and well understood. Is it like a combo of Squirtle’s and Ike’s Fspecial? Anyways, the Up B has the same problems as the Forward B, and Down sounds broken with the way it’s described. The Final Smash is broken as well: 40 seconds spamming a 40% move?

The Extras here are okay for the most part. This is your redeeming point, but to be honest it’s not by much. They don’t give a lasting impression like the moveset does as a whole.

Case in Point: You have the basic structure of a moveset here. The moves are good, but it requires the readers to think about how he attacks. Try to give an extra few hours to build the moveset as an interest, add some organization, and you could have a good moveset here in your hands.

GOT IT? GOOD.